Slept late last night... But woke up superbly early today, to fetch my my VID to airport.. The complicated feelings in my heart still wandered as the departure symbolize a milestone. I treat it as a test on how my feelings would react as days go by. I tried to explain the complications but it seemed that I have failed. I'm just a human, who's weak at times I require support from others too. I would feel insecure, uneasy and worried for those I care, especially when there's an intimidating relationship. Wanted to act calm, act as if nothing would go wrong but the more I acted, the more I knew that it would never be convincing, when I couldn't even convince myself that nothing would go wrong.. And I'm right, on the 1st day out and I'm already 'bugged'...
There are also much complication to be added even if thing goes the 'right' way, or I should say the way I want it to be... I did not expect the momentum could go so high to an unforeseable situation. Things get out my control and suddenly I'm got caught up in a ground where I never face before, and a wrong move or a wrong word could be fatal to the relationship... I was stoned and I didn't know what to reply... It's impossible to predict the answer but I could feel that it's not the answer wished to be heard. I wanted to seek the proper answer but I'm clueless of where to begin. It's so full of words and I could hardly pick up the point where all seem to be so important, so true from and to heart, and so... naked. That's the word I can think of as I've never seen such direct words used. In my world, I try to be ambiguous and remain general to open up spaces for further thinking. Blogging is to put your life under the spot light where people can view you and judge you. By being general I leave open ends to my posts where final conclusions will be based on very personal, most the time relating to reader's own past and how he/she came to that conclusion..
I've wandered far... Time to step back to my good old days, enjoying what's left for the next 10 days. Freedom would be one of them...
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Step back to those good old days? Means that those days with me are bad days? >.<
Ya, freedom, enjoy ur freedom while missing me~ Wondering you enjoy the freedom more or miss me more? :p
Yea, I am too missing somebody...how i wish he is here with me to share my happiness..now i understand how my friend felt when she was alone out there, excited for new thing new country but lonely...Miss u deeply...
Love,
Your VID
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