我想你

过去的过去了， 现在的我， 在想你，你懂吗？ 你的现状时complicated， 我惟有继续等下去

酒后吐真言，可惜没人懂

Life as I know It

Another work day eve.. And Another night I have the feeling of reluctant to sleep..
Got mixed feelings running through now, with most of them negative ones.

After years of living my life, I am still lack the self-esteem I need.. The only confidence time I really had was the time I confessed to my ex, and of course the day I asked for the broke up.. That decision had made me regretted for quite some time, and haunted me for abit.. Those feelings have faded, but never have my confidence actually recovered. The mistakes I've done, the sins I've committed, the people I hurt, the

Time and time I think and talk to myself.. I am just an average guy who has nothing, not even money in my bank account. I've got no good look, no career, nothing tangible which I can at least make myself feel safe about.. Worst thing is that, I don't even know how I am suppose to feel. Blue? I tell people I don't feel blue, but I think it's me who doesn't the true meaning of feeling blue.. What I am feeling now, it's blue.. I guess..

Now to the tangible parts.. I have really good friends, though I sometimes turn them down. We are busy as ever but still we know we are close to each other all time.. We don't see each other all the time it's the time you need them where they will just popup and say "I am here".. I will do the same for them.

I still have my parents. I should feel lucky for having my parents alive. Many times I turned them down as well but still they will care for me.. What I am doing now, I just hope that it's sufficient. There are many more I can do, but I just don't know how to do them. Again, I don't know what I want..

Just too many contradictions in my mind.. Wanting this and wanting that. With so much time wasted and so little time left, I can feel the pressure now, internally and externally, and fuck yeah I am still continuing such life.. Sigh

I am coward

Facing the truth..
You are meant to live alone..
Don't waste time trying another one...
A reminder to self..
I am falling out

一万年

Somehow I was reminded that it's been a year since I last got myself into relationship..
It's been a year with full of ups and downs.. Went to the lowest point of my life, but I bounced back like a ball.. Been very high for the past 300+ days, and it's normalising again..

Today I watched back an old movie shown. Somehow I wished I would've watched this a year ago..If I'd watched it at that moment perhaps none of this would have happened.. I would still be an engaged man.. Thinking too much again..

Just another one of those regrets in life.. It's the road not taken..

The day I declare myself free from the past

Yes indeed.. So proud to be saying it now..
With the last bond cut.. Now It's officially over.. No string attached any longer..
No more unknown text message disturbance, no more complaining about my mom...
A peace of mind in the end..

I deserve this credit. From a fallen shadow of myself till I rise from the ashes like a phoenix, I have encountered bittersweet of life.. Perhaps misjudged by others, it's the result which came out as desired... Me..
It may sound self-centered, but there is no one else who cares for myself but me..

A personal achievement, at least... For me who in eyes of some is a sore loser..

Phase 2

Now comes the phase 2 - The Maintenance..

This is perhaps the hardest stage..
Proper maintenance is costly and time consuming, given that there is not much time and income for me to do maintenance..

Love my new specs, look great.. Worth every penny so far.. Hope that it does wat it say.. UV protection especially for us who face the monitor all day long..

Insurance - sign it today.. Got the same plan as EX, but diff agent.. The package is good, considering the premium paid vs the coverage.. May need to fork out more money soon.. But as least my family is assured...

I've got more plans to initialize.. But gotta make sure I can maintain the current lifestyle first.. This is what I call freedom.. Pristine undoubtedly.. Enjoying every moment I can... before I start tying knots again...

Phase 1

Painful week..
This is my initialisation stage..

It's not just the physical pain, but also pain in my wallet..
But it's the start, it's the inception.. It's the beginning of things..

It has got to come out.. And finally it's removed.. Been haunting me for a couple of days.. Gonna suffer for a few days more.. But I am happy for it to be gone.. I will take good care of the rest next time..

Almost burnt a hole in pocket after getting a new pair of specs..
Expensive but hopefully it pays off well.. Will use it for routine work..
Eyes getting tired easily as days go by.. Facing the computer during work time,
facing the computer after reaching home.. I need to 'wash' my eyes more often to rejuvenate them better.. Short skirt, low cut.. I mean eyemo and greenstuff..

Last but not least, hair cut.. A change of personnel..
The outcome is just different, truly different.. Something he couldn't have done it..
Maybe he's just too used to me.. A change would be good..

Far Far Away

2nd time in 2 weeks having sleep problem..
And I just can't get this 'fairy tale' out of my head

Randomness

It's another tired yet sleepless night..
It's just hard to sleep at this weather - dry and still air fill the room..
And then your brain starts wandering here and there, with all sorts of random thoughts going on and on..

The trip has got me thinking..
All the what ifs..
Seeing and comparing how others rally and I stall myself here..
What if I went there straight for my first job?
What if I manage to cruise through the interviews and accepted of envies?

Somehow I envy them..
Each of them has a good career..
A stewardess with a bright future and all the savings enough to live for the next 10 years..
A banker who sacrificed his health for what he is today and getting fat pay with a well-known bank..
Another banker who job-hops abit and finally ended up at a position higher than me..
All have done these at a much younger age..

Best thing I've done so far.. Telling myself that though I am at a slower pace, I have had different taste of life.. I choose this road who make up to who I am today, now.. I will continue to do so to forge my own future.. This motivates me to keep myself going, and of course not to envy others..

Don't give up just yet.. I have been given a direction and so are you. You might be in a bottleneck and slower than the rest but I was at your position once and I know how it feels..

Remember what he said.. In the end it's still up to you if you've taken the chance to triumph, or you are just sitting ducks.. Don't take your passiveness for granted just because he said so.. It's for us to change and improve ourselves..

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to you.
Wish you a good life..

Good Riddance~

一部短片，胜于一万句话

珍惜眼前人...

Back 2 Back

Part 2
Hell Yeah

Back

Admiring this song again...

1000th Day

Today's suppose to be 1000th day..
It doesn't matter now..

Waiting for the next 1000th day...

Sleepless

Don't remember when was the last time I had this sleepless thing, but tonight it's just so hard to fall asleep.. Tired but just can't sleep...
Maybe I am not used to sleep at this time anymore... Damn this is a bad sign..

I am close to her again.. WTF~
I don't have that kind of patience to listen to her anymore.. Why do I have to listen to her whenever she has a problem with him? It has nothing to do with me at all..
I feel bad for not listening, but seriously, I got quite fed up with it..

She resembles too much of her.. I know that little feeling was just a mere confusion..I am awake and I know very well that she's never the one, no matter how much similarities she has with her..

She does give me a good lesson though.. Seeing how she suffers now makes me think that I made a right choice.. If you can't resolve it, then just let it go..

The learning curve is there, waiting for me to explore, and there's someone there, waiting for me to find out.. Moving forward.. Slow but steady, picking up the pieces..

Wish that she'll find her wisdom.. If this man is worth the hassles, then may her be strong enough to face all the obstacles; If this man is not the one, wish that she has the clear eyes and stout heart to move on for a better man..

大日子

真的很佩服女人，为了爱情，为了心爱的人，
再不合逻辑的事情都干得出来。
为了他，为了这段情，
我知道你哭过，痛过，煎熬过，
虽然我们不常联络，
可听到你的哭泣，心总想能为你做些什么..

终于在一月八号，（对不起，七号）
苦尽甘来了，
也是你的大日子！！
你的喜悦，连盲的都feel到咯..

看着你们灿烂幸福的笑容，
我从心底的感动，
听着你晒命地喊道：“我愿意！！！”
顿时的笑声填满了整件注册房...
几乎连外面的人都知道你‘嫁了’哈哈

身为哥的我，
没什么可以做，没什么可以给，
只想衷心的祝福你，
希望你幸福...


现在为人妻了，
身份上改变了，思想上也需要有所改变吧，
现在才是你们俩人生另一阶段的开始，
以后漫漫长路，真的得互相厮守，
才可以继续下去..
有事没事都可以找我，
帮得上的，我会义不容辞，

还有，现跟你说声抱歉，
没能出席你的婚礼，
我会补偿，
就把“好料”带回来给你咯~



还是同样的祝福
“执子之手，白头偕老”

New Year Reso

2011过去了. 难熬的一年，终于也熬过去...
2012，也未必会有好日子。

前半年有人陪，熬得辛苦也值得，
今年可得好好学习为自己熬，
别再为其他人而去奋斗。
学习犒赏自己，work hard, play hard..

今年的目标是减肥，
是时候把体重降低，
锻炼一下身体，
拉近与健康的距离，
不要再走个几步路就喘气，

今年的希望就是...
能够把旧事淡化，
忘记是不可能的了，
希望把这段情，
埋在心底，
也希望可以，
淡化掉对老妈的不满...
过去就过去，
妈还是妈，
铁一般的事实...

过去没有好好的珍惜身边的人事物，
现在不想再错过了，
金句 ：惜福
不要等到失去了才后悔；
适合的，不一定是最好，
这一课，浪费了一个女生的两年，
太贵重了...
所以，别再让自己再重复，
要等到失去才领悟，
慢拍子的代价沉重得很...

占一占小妹的正面能量，
遇到再大的挫折，
也要坚持到底，
佩服她那对爱情的简单，
连自己的坚持也能放弃，
精神可佳..

酒后吐真言，
虽然有错字，
虽然很幼稚，
可都是心底话，
淡忘的同时，
可以坚持吗？
... ... ...

EX

Ya I am drunk.. Very drunk indeed..
People say tat words of drunkards are unbelieveable..
But do you?

It's the first year I am single since breaking up.. It's the 1st year I've started brand new, on my own feet..

Yeah I still love her... I finished Wall E with tears rolling in my eyes and damn I really miss the time when I watched with her.. But anybody cares? Nobody would... Nobody could feel the paid..
After 4-5 months of healing... It's still happening.. It's karma I know.. What goes around comes around.. I should be looking ahead.. But I kept looking backwards for all the good times.. It's good, since I don have bad memories of hers.. But personally, it sucks to live in this environment when you think you are moving forward, all you are doing is just recalling the past to your brain..

New year, new reso, I must start looking forward.. Even though it hurts every time I try to recall, it'd remind me not to repeat mistakes I made.. 前事不忘，后事之师..
Never forget my mistakes.. Luckily I only remember her good things, so that I will have good memories of hers.. I will let fate decide this time, as it's seems too impossible...
Wish her happy life wit her life in her current life...
Anything bad, let me bear, for I'd would bear all the unhappiness in her life.. It's dumb but nobody asked you to love your ex...