When the night is dark, people turn sentimental..
After a long hours of activities in the day, it's time where everybody starts to unmask oneself. Starts to look into their own life, where they are, wonder why they are here and questions which may cause lots of anxiety, nervous, and tends to bring the emotions down..
Me, being sleepless here at 4am, is nonetheless.. It's been really ages since the last time I've written a long post here. Maybe I have no more readers, but it's fine. Just finding a channel to express myself through writing out rather than conversation...
It's a good time for me to think about the questions above at times like these. It may bring me down a little but I kinda enjoy this. It's the only time where your surrounding is quiet, well at least only the air-cond is giving out some noises while I write this. The environment is calm, almost too calm for one to think of the superstitious ones. But it's quiet, and it eases my mind of stress I go through everyday. The stillness, can give my brain a much needed focus to express out my words, without being disrupted. I am now able to write out my feelings, thoughts better as I won't receive calls, msn nudges, etc.
The feelings for late nights are just complicated. Many times they were not beautiful as described in the box. People still believe that stars are ancestors gazing upon them, that moon has its dwellers of a lady, a rabbit and a lumberjack. These beliefs counter off certain souls' fear to the long, cold, lonely nights. And the unseen darkness up ahead as they wander. You need light source by now; a hero, or perhaps just someone with his torch in his/her hand, to guide you out. I am no hero, but I know that I cannot rely on that hero to approach me. I seek and make my own light source. The rite of passage has taught me that "No one in this world can't survive without another person". Harsh yet hard felt...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Ne-Yo - Year Of The Gentleman
01 . Closer
02 . Nobody
03 . Single
04 . Mad
05 . Miss Independent
06 . Why Does She Stay
07 . Fade Into The Background*
08 . So You Can Cry
09 . Part Of The List
10 . Back To What You Know
11 . Lie To Me
12 . Stop This World
I bought this album quite some time ago. It's really a good album to sooth emotions or lift up spirits..
Track No.7 is really a sad song with good beat.
Track No.1 - fast beat, gets me going and going - closer and closer!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sigh, Blog, Sleep
Blogging is my best partner when I have no one else to turn to. I admit that I always write sad things here.. Just thought of expressing all those negative emotions out. Good ones are kept at heart and remembered as time goes, while bad ones stop the moment the blogs are posted. I could hardly recall why I wrote the said posts in later days, still it gave me some good laughs at my past..
Well it's not another smooth day for me. Many things came out unexpected, or not as I expected them to be.. Order was not in place.. Sigh
I'll be OK after this post. I'll forget most of the unwanted memories today, after a good sleep.
Well it's not another smooth day for me. Many things came out unexpected, or not as I expected them to be.. Order was not in place.. Sigh
I'll be OK after this post. I'll forget most of the unwanted memories today, after a good sleep.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
A War
I feel I've started a war - A time war.. I don't want this but I just did it..
It's like I'm the soldier on the battlefield, moving forward to the enemy zone. Suddenly there's an incoming bomb where I got bombed away, wounded. I could feel I'm directionless as I get up from the bombing, not knowing which side I am facing.. Am I facing my home side? Or am I facing the other side?
When I found my momentum of moving forward again, I realise I'm wounded. I don't care if I'm badly wounded. So without caring much for my injuries, I moved even faster to get close to the enemy, tend to hurt the enemy's weak spots. I hope by hurting the weak spots of the enemy, the war will stop. I would rather have a huge war and it ends once and for all than to have time war depleting all the resources. In a huge war, I might get injured, I might even die, but better than continuation of wars all over where I suffer from wounds here and there. I might lose a leg and yet going back to war zone when the enemy attacks. These wounds will heal but scars remain which always remind you to hate your rival more and more. In your mind you're filled with memory of the enemy hurting you and consequently all you want to do is hurt them back.
Upon closing the enemy, I find out that the enemy is no enemy after all. It's a little girl, who needs some good hugs and someone who could pamper her a little more. She bites me and the pain is only 1% of the excruciating pain I suffered before. It just happened that she slipped and let go of the bomb. She's not even suppose to be here. I took it as a taunting action by the rival. I recalled that I was shooting blindly towards her and it made her cry and fear. She's also having some wounds over her body.
What have I done? I started the war on my own by not thinking further. In my mind I was thinking of killing the enemy who hurt me. But coming to this circumstance, I start to think if I should hurt 'her'. A certain thing is that her wounds will recover too and she'll remember who gave her those scars forever. My mindset is that she'll seek revenge whenever possible in the near future. Thus I fear too, fear she's coming to hurt me as she grows, I wanted to leave the battlefield, leaving her vulnerable with her wounds. I thought she'd be OK on her own. Coming towards the end of this war, the bomb which blew was actually an action of my own. I left the bomb there and I got blew by my own bomb. The little girl just so happened to played with the bomb I left, giving a false alarm to myself that there are enemies. The mindset of protecting my country, myself clouded my thinking as to fear enemy approaching.
So I'm wounded, scarred, exhausted, and my resources are depleted.. I got nothing out of the incident except those scars which I 'assumed' the enemy left me. Fark that but what about the little girl? What would be on her mind? Fear? Irritated? Hatred? And full of memories of the war which happened? There's nothing I could do to comfort her, as the damage is done, and it's done severely. I sincerely apologise to her, trying my best not to wage war anymore. She's crying, begging me not to do this to her anymore.
I believe she'll hate me forever. I'd rather she do that. Kill me if she wants to. This is what I owe her, a form of repayment towards the pain I've caused, and the scars which haunt her forever. Then I'll owe her nothing...
It's like I'm the soldier on the battlefield, moving forward to the enemy zone. Suddenly there's an incoming bomb where I got bombed away, wounded. I could feel I'm directionless as I get up from the bombing, not knowing which side I am facing.. Am I facing my home side? Or am I facing the other side?
When I found my momentum of moving forward again, I realise I'm wounded. I don't care if I'm badly wounded. So without caring much for my injuries, I moved even faster to get close to the enemy, tend to hurt the enemy's weak spots. I hope by hurting the weak spots of the enemy, the war will stop. I would rather have a huge war and it ends once and for all than to have time war depleting all the resources. In a huge war, I might get injured, I might even die, but better than continuation of wars all over where I suffer from wounds here and there. I might lose a leg and yet going back to war zone when the enemy attacks. These wounds will heal but scars remain which always remind you to hate your rival more and more. In your mind you're filled with memory of the enemy hurting you and consequently all you want to do is hurt them back.
Upon closing the enemy, I find out that the enemy is no enemy after all. It's a little girl, who needs some good hugs and someone who could pamper her a little more. She bites me and the pain is only 1% of the excruciating pain I suffered before. It just happened that she slipped and let go of the bomb. She's not even suppose to be here. I took it as a taunting action by the rival. I recalled that I was shooting blindly towards her and it made her cry and fear. She's also having some wounds over her body.
What have I done? I started the war on my own by not thinking further. In my mind I was thinking of killing the enemy who hurt me. But coming to this circumstance, I start to think if I should hurt 'her'. A certain thing is that her wounds will recover too and she'll remember who gave her those scars forever. My mindset is that she'll seek revenge whenever possible in the near future. Thus I fear too, fear she's coming to hurt me as she grows, I wanted to leave the battlefield, leaving her vulnerable with her wounds. I thought she'd be OK on her own. Coming towards the end of this war, the bomb which blew was actually an action of my own. I left the bomb there and I got blew by my own bomb. The little girl just so happened to played with the bomb I left, giving a false alarm to myself that there are enemies. The mindset of protecting my country, myself clouded my thinking as to fear enemy approaching.
So I'm wounded, scarred, exhausted, and my resources are depleted.. I got nothing out of the incident except those scars which I 'assumed' the enemy left me. Fark that but what about the little girl? What would be on her mind? Fear? Irritated? Hatred? And full of memories of the war which happened? There's nothing I could do to comfort her, as the damage is done, and it's done severely. I sincerely apologise to her, trying my best not to wage war anymore. She's crying, begging me not to do this to her anymore.
I believe she'll hate me forever. I'd rather she do that. Kill me if she wants to. This is what I owe her, a form of repayment towards the pain I've caused, and the scars which haunt her forever. Then I'll owe her nothing...
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