Gone

I just wanna view all the comments, is it wrong? We have so many mutual frens, so cannot view?

I just wanna look at the photo of her with garlic bread. Is it wrong? I miss the garlic bread, is it wrong? Why wanna cut me off like that?

It's all gone for now.. I will have to rely on myself...

I was trying to forget slowly. And now, better, let's just get over this person and live on as if she nvr existed. Maybe life's better this way..

Cruelty...

This post is dedicated to you.

First, I would like to say thank you. I did not expect that I learn more from breaking up than being together with you. I should've appreciated love even more when all I had in my mind was just a snap of my temper. Some sensitive words are never meant to be said. I also know how dominant my mom becomes since your departure. She's done all the necessary to celebrate her victory by marking territories all over the house, including my room. For now, I have to tahan with her. Need to communicate with her better till I feel better.

Second, I love you. As much as I want to say to you face to face. I would say it here. The love is so deep that everywhere I go I see visions of you. Delusions? Maybe but the love tangled is soo strong that I have never felt this before. Maybe because your the first one to let me know what is like to love and be loved.. By the same person. I still love you, that's why I still can't recover even after 2 months. I visit the doctor to help calm my thoughts down. In addition, pills to me to sleep longer as I really have problems having enough sleep ever since you've left. I won't blame you for this. I know this is my fault that things don't turn out as expected. Others must be quite upset to this too.

Third, I hate you. I'd rather say that it's bound together with the love portion. I can't view your FB but certainly somebody updated me on some of your postings. I don't know why you still do that but certainly they make feel worse. I can't limit what you post, as you have just as much right to miss our love. But you've moved on. I need to move on too.

I congratulate NN in advance for getting you, I feel it's easier to get you at this time than any other time. People who know you too well all asked me to give up on you, since the coldness that they received shivers their spines. But I believe in otherwise. I believe you would've grown this time and don't keep the coldness in you anymore. I hope that I am not wrong this time.

The day will come. The day I don't hate you anymore: which is precisely the day I don't love you anymore. Perhaps I am still looking forward to continuing our relationship in future,I don't know how will I feel in the future. But hope of all hopes, this day comes before Krabi trip.(RIP to our love)

Lesson for today.. No Leftover food eaten..

Back from my tripping. Kinda good trip I must say. It's been so long that I last faced with sun, sea, sands one shot. Snorkelling was the main thing to do there, besides eating, sleeping and planking myself.

Took more photos this time. Once I was reminded that pictures refresh your memories of what happened back then. So I daringly took more photos, with only my phone. Resolutions, angles everything is not perfect, but it was the perfect moment, at least I think it is.

This trip kinda fortify my belief. I believe more that true love is hard to find, especially some one who loves you too. Unfortunately, I have to choose to let go this time. Initially I was first to let go. Tried grabbing it back, but all doesn't seem to matter anymore.

Everyone told me that time will heal the deepest wounds. Ya I do believe that they will heal wounds of hers. But as for me, I choose to stay on course. If love scars, it makes you grow. If love bleeds, then you'll be filled with new blood. Maybe I'll just stay off the radar for a little while, wait till things get less dicey, I shall make my move again..

Good morning, just wanna share that I've reached Redang Island. Suddenly just feel like blogging a post. So here I am..

It's suppose to be a getaway trip. Well suppose to be. Drove a good 5 hours whole night. Not complaining, but isn't that how road trip should be? Good exp anyway. We almost hit a cow which was in the middle of the road. Manage to avoid any mishap for this journey so far..

Arriving too early has its problem too. We reached KT town at 4am and the jetty before 6am. Well best to nap/sleep to kill off time.. Not so comfortable sleeping in the car with your neighbour moving around to have his sleep too haha..

Don't know why. At this point of time I am still having heart ache. Just thinking about all the what ifs. What if we were together for this trip? What if she's the one sitting next to me throughout this journey? What if end of the journey I still can't breakaway from this shackle and move on with my life?

Still trying to figure out on improving myself. Still excited about this rather random trip. It's 8.10am. Me signing off....

More Thoughts

Yesterday was the day she left me, after clear packing of her stuff. After 2 years of relationship, this is the time I realise I've lost touch of so many things. Usher once sang "It's the simple thing in life we forget". Perhaps I really lost it so badly that mending the relationship seems too far to be true. Love is simple, love is great. But as your love grows, many obstacles are stirred into your love and these are the times when love is challenge. I should have let love in the simplest form.

I tried, I really tried to patch things up. But I really lost my all of my confidence. I heard a stern voice over the phone saying that it wouldn't work. I can also remember how the last guy annoyed people as the decision was clear cut. I don't know what am I doing and what should I do to get her back. I really don't know.

Been taking pills to help me asleep. It solves the physical part of exhaustion. But the heart pain is going strong. Everywhere I go I can see memories of us together. Happy or sad, lovely or ugly. So bad that I had to repaint my room to help me forget about her. Fair enough the reminiscence is not as strong now.

Last night we were at genting. the moment I got down from the car, I realise that I had no sweater. I was feeling extra cold especially when my body is still weak. This time I really recalled every moment we used to have there. The brown sweater she wore, the heat and friction of 2 person walking side by side. All those things came back to me. I still remembered how I used to tell her tat I don't need any sweater cuz I got her.

I want to improve. I want to do better. I want to control my temper, I want to communicate properly. I want to hug and kiss her. I want to be with her. Most importantly I want to say is "I am so sorry and I really really love her".

Vol4.3: Dần dần | 渐渐 (Triệu Vy hát cùng No Name)（赵薇/No Name）

这首歌，让我回想起；原来，一切只不过到回原点...