Back from my tripping. Kinda good trip I must say. It's been so long that I last faced with sun, sea, sands one shot. Snorkelling was the main thing to do there, besides eating, sleeping and planking myself.
Took more photos this time. Once I was reminded that pictures refresh your memories of what happened back then. So I daringly took more photos, with only my phone. Resolutions, angles everything is not perfect, but it was the perfect moment, at least I think it is.
This trip kinda fortify my belief. I believe more that true love is hard to find, especially some one who loves you too. Unfortunately, I have to choose to let go this time. Initially I was first to let go. Tried grabbing it back, but all doesn't seem to matter anymore.
Everyone told me that time will heal the deepest wounds. Ya I do believe that they will heal wounds of hers. But as for me, I choose to stay on course. If love scars, it makes you grow. If love bleeds, then you'll be filled with new blood. Maybe I'll just stay off the radar for a little while, wait till things get less dicey, I shall make my move again..
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Good morning, just wanna share that I've reached Redang Island. Suddenly just feel like blogging a post. So here I am..
It's suppose to be a getaway trip. Well suppose to be. Drove a good 5 hours whole night. Not complaining, but isn't that how road trip should be? Good exp anyway. We almost hit a cow which was in the middle of the road. Manage to avoid any mishap for this journey so far..
Arriving too early has its problem too. We reached KT town at 4am and the jetty before 6am. Well best to nap/sleep to kill off time.. Not so comfortable sleeping in the car with your neighbour moving around to have his sleep too haha..
Don't know why. At this point of time I am still having heart ache. Just thinking about all the what ifs. What if we were together for this trip? What if she's the one sitting next to me throughout this journey? What if end of the journey I still can't breakaway from this shackle and move on with my life?
Still trying to figure out on improving myself. Still excited about this rather random trip. It's 8.10am. Me signing off....
It's suppose to be a getaway trip. Well suppose to be. Drove a good 5 hours whole night. Not complaining, but isn't that how road trip should be? Good exp anyway. We almost hit a cow which was in the middle of the road. Manage to avoid any mishap for this journey so far..
Arriving too early has its problem too. We reached KT town at 4am and the jetty before 6am. Well best to nap/sleep to kill off time.. Not so comfortable sleeping in the car with your neighbour moving around to have his sleep too haha..
Don't know why. At this point of time I am still having heart ache. Just thinking about all the what ifs. What if we were together for this trip? What if she's the one sitting next to me throughout this journey? What if end of the journey I still can't breakaway from this shackle and move on with my life?
Still trying to figure out on improving myself. Still excited about this rather random trip. It's 8.10am. Me signing off....
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
More Thoughts
Yesterday was the day she left me, after clear packing of her stuff. After 2 years of relationship, this is the time I realise I've lost touch of so many things. Usher once sang "It's the simple thing in life we forget". Perhaps I really lost it so badly that mending the relationship seems too far to be true. Love is simple, love is great. But as your love grows, many obstacles are stirred into your love and these are the times when love is challenge. I should have let love in the simplest form.
I tried, I really tried to patch things up. But I really lost my all of my confidence. I heard a stern voice over the phone saying that it wouldn't work. I can also remember how the last guy annoyed people as the decision was clear cut. I don't know what am I doing and what should I do to get her back. I really don't know.
Been taking pills to help me asleep. It solves the physical part of exhaustion. But the heart pain is going strong. Everywhere I go I can see memories of us together. Happy or sad, lovely or ugly. So bad that I had to repaint my room to help me forget about her. Fair enough the reminiscence is not as strong now.
Last night we were at genting. the moment I got down from the car, I realise that I had no sweater. I was feeling extra cold especially when my body is still weak. This time I really recalled every moment we used to have there. The brown sweater she wore, the heat and friction of 2 person walking side by side. All those things came back to me. I still remembered how I used to tell her tat I don't need any sweater cuz I got her.
I want to improve. I want to do better. I want to control my temper, I want to communicate properly. I want to hug and kiss her. I want to be with her. Most importantly I want to say is "I am so sorry and I really really love her".
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Can I?
Just drank a can of something to numb me... Taken the extra strong so that it makes me sober...
Apparently I have alot to ask now...
Can I just stop being sad?
Can I just stop being myself?
Can I just turn back time like how Aqua sang that song?
Can I just some one to feel me now?
Can I just stop being sad, stop being like this piece of shit for now and concentrate on my life?
Can I just forget about all that happened and brainwashed the part where needle pains me?
Can I just cut this crap and continue to drink?
Can I just sleep like this never do I have the need to wake up again?
Can I... Can I... Can I...
Can I just stop my heart from beating?
Every beat hurts me in and out...
Apparently I have alot to ask now...
Can I just stop being sad?
Can I just stop being myself?
Can I just turn back time like how Aqua sang that song?
Can I just some one to feel me now?
Can I just stop being sad, stop being like this piece of shit for now and concentrate on my life?
Can I just forget about all that happened and brainwashed the part where needle pains me?
Can I just cut this crap and continue to drink?
Can I just sleep like this never do I have the need to wake up again?
Can I... Can I... Can I...
Can I just stop my heart from beating?
Every beat hurts me in and out...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Late Night
When the night is dark, people turn sentimental..
After a long hours of activities in the day, it's time where everybody starts to unmask oneself. Starts to look into their own life, where they are, wonder why they are here and questions which may cause lots of anxiety, nervous, and tends to bring the emotions down..
Me, being sleepless here at 4am, is nonetheless.. It's been really ages since the last time I've written a long post here. Maybe I have no more readers, but it's fine. Just finding a channel to express myself through writing out rather than conversation...
It's a good time for me to think about the questions above at times like these. It may bring me down a little but I kinda enjoy this. It's the only time where your surrounding is quiet, well at least only the air-cond is giving out some noises while I write this. The environment is calm, almost too calm for one to think of the superstitious ones. But it's quiet, and it eases my mind of stress I go through everyday. The stillness, can give my brain a much needed focus to express out my words, without being disrupted. I am now able to write out my feelings, thoughts better as I won't receive calls, msn nudges, etc.
The feelings for late nights are just complicated. Many times they were not beautiful as described in the box. People still believe that stars are ancestors gazing upon them, that moon has its dwellers of a lady, a rabbit and a lumberjack. These beliefs counter off certain souls' fear to the long, cold, lonely nights. And the unseen darkness up ahead as they wander. You need light source by now; a hero, or perhaps just someone with his torch in his/her hand, to guide you out. I am no hero, but I know that I cannot rely on that hero to approach me. I seek and make my own light source. The rite of passage has taught me that "No one in this world can't survive without another person". Harsh yet hard felt...
After a long hours of activities in the day, it's time where everybody starts to unmask oneself. Starts to look into their own life, where they are, wonder why they are here and questions which may cause lots of anxiety, nervous, and tends to bring the emotions down..
Me, being sleepless here at 4am, is nonetheless.. It's been really ages since the last time I've written a long post here. Maybe I have no more readers, but it's fine. Just finding a channel to express myself through writing out rather than conversation...
It's a good time for me to think about the questions above at times like these. It may bring me down a little but I kinda enjoy this. It's the only time where your surrounding is quiet, well at least only the air-cond is giving out some noises while I write this. The environment is calm, almost too calm for one to think of the superstitious ones. But it's quiet, and it eases my mind of stress I go through everyday. The stillness, can give my brain a much needed focus to express out my words, without being disrupted. I am now able to write out my feelings, thoughts better as I won't receive calls, msn nudges, etc.
The feelings for late nights are just complicated. Many times they were not beautiful as described in the box. People still believe that stars are ancestors gazing upon them, that moon has its dwellers of a lady, a rabbit and a lumberjack. These beliefs counter off certain souls' fear to the long, cold, lonely nights. And the unseen darkness up ahead as they wander. You need light source by now; a hero, or perhaps just someone with his torch in his/her hand, to guide you out. I am no hero, but I know that I cannot rely on that hero to approach me. I seek and make my own light source. The rite of passage has taught me that "No one in this world can't survive without another person". Harsh yet hard felt...
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